Long ago, on the first Thanksgiving, the Pilgrims shared a feast with the Indians—so named by one Christopher Columbus because when he first set foot here way back in 1492, he thought he’d reached India (before you get all impressed with my knowledge let me say, it pays to have a history-buff smarty pants for a hubs). Now we commemorate this day by gorging ourselves to the very brink of nausea (or is that just me?) while sitting side by side with our dear loved ones. For some this is a good thing. For others, they’d rather extract their teeth with a spoon. And while I am in that first grouping, I started daydreaming recently about who I’d invite to my fantasy Thanksgiving celebration if no real people were allowed.
So without further delay, here is the guest list for Tee’s Thanksgiving in Crazytown:
THE PARTY PLANNER
Alice Cullen (Twilight) can throw herself one hell of a par-tay. I mean Bella’s birthday bash was total perfection until Alice’s hubby tried to eat the birthday girl (hey, it happens). She’d have an eye for the finer details like lighting, invitations and overall fabulosity. Plus she would fund everything with her excessive wealth and I am not going to argue with her on that. She’d also use her foresight and be all “Tee, friend. Do NOT have that third helping of taters, ‘kay? You’re gonna be siiiiiiiiiick.” Sometimes I need this kind of help.
I think Alice would appreciate the assistance of Damon Auguste (Evermore). Why, you ask? Because he can manifest the shizzola out of tulips, thereby creating instantly glorious centerpieces! As long as he promises not to pull any out from behind our ears, it’s all good. And I think he can wear exactly what he’s wearing in this picture. Do. Not. Change. A. Thing.
There is no question that this job would go to Cinna (The Hunger Games). Sadly I have no photo of the sheer mass of awesomeness that is Katniss’ style man. My head can come up with no real image of him (I know! It’s tragic). Picture or no picture, Cinna would def. be in charge of dressing me for the event. I’m sure he’d come up with some new spin on the Pilgrim garb (no Mockingjay fire please. We don’t want to burn the turkey). It would be something that says both, “Tasteful” and “Suck it Prez Snow.”
Personally I am all about the food. Give me a fork and something edible and I will show up to any party (or to your home uninvited. If there’s food, I’m there). I’m not much of a cook though, so I’d let my peeps be in charge of all that.
Katniss Everdeen (The Hunger Games) would obviously be the turkey killer. Since girlfriend is mostly used to cooking squirrels I’d let her use my oven and roasting pan as opposed to an open fire. Of course, her hunting partner, Gale, can come along on the big turkey adventure . Caught up in the romance of shooting animals, Gale would probably take his shirt off and try to kiss her (hey don’t blame me. That’s just how he was written), but Katniss will still think he just wants to be her bestest friend in the world since she’s kinda clueless that way.
Peeta Mellark (The Hunger Games)
Where oh where would we be without some tasty bread from my man Peeta? So he’ll be making weepy, goo goo eyes across the table at Katniss (esp. if Gale refuses to put his shirt back on). I’m OK with that as long as he feeds me and makes a cake with those pretty hand-made flowers he’s so good at.
Ruby Oliver (The Boyfriend List)
Ruby can’t exactly cook (and lordy DO NOT ask her mom to help because she is all about the tofu), but she has connections. When she runs the bake sale at her school she gets a classmate—a boy, no less—to whip up some brownies. Now these aren’t just any old brownies. No way Jose. These hunks of chocolatey goodness are Ninja Brownies. I have no idea what that means but they sound like something I should be eating.
Mia Thermopolis (The Princess Diaries) would give us her lovely Thanksgiving speech. As a vegetarian she would remind us of the cruelty of hunting animals like turkeys for the sake of meat (Don’t worry. We’d use a serving platter to shield her from Katniss’ arrows). Then she’d wax on poetic about the beauty of the first Thanksgiving; how the Indians sat down to a meal with the Pilgrims—the same Pilgrims who would later give them blankets infested with smallpox. Just thinking about it makes me feel all warm and fuzzy.
Michael Moscovitz (The Princess Diaries) would also be in attendance. Not just because of my insane love of him. Oh no. I have a valid reason. He is the lead singer of Skinner Box and would bring his band mates to collaborate with Adam (If I Stay) and his band Shooting Star (I’m sorry. That really is their name). It would be a virtual buffet of
hotness serious musical talent.
Finally, no Thanksgiving day is complete without a rousing game of flag football. I’m not really an athletic type of girl though so I’d sit on the sidelines while my girls Frankie Landau Banks (The Disreputable History of Frankie Landau Banks) and Taylor Markham (Jellicoe Road) formed two equally bad a$$ teams. Cinna would, of course, whip up some uniforms and Peeta and I would sit on the side and cheer (he’s too delicate for football). Michael would score one hundred touchdowns even though he’s not into team sports (because he’s Michael, OK?). It would be a game to remember.
After the mess was cleaned up and everyone left for the night, I’d slip into the superbly styled jammies Cinna left for me and consider checking myself into a mental hospital—but it would all be worth it.