Top Ten Tuesday is hosted by The Broke and The Bookish.
This weeks’ TTT is about things that make me want to drop a book like the new Nicholas Sparks. You know how it is. You’re reading along, happy as a clam–or at least, you’re intrigued– and then this thing or event or stupid twist comes along and BAM, ruins everything. Luckily, this doesn’t happen to me very often. Sometimes, after I yell at my book and throw it across the room a couple of times, it listens and becomes far less offensive, so I forgive it and we muddle through. But other times there’s just no saving our relationship.
Like, for example:
1. Overuse of the terms of endearment- Most people in a cutesy wootsey lovey dovey relationship will throw out a random term of endearment, but Sweet Pea, can I just tell you how much I hate it when guys and girls literally give up their names to be called Baby, or Catnip or whatnot? I’m serious, Babe, I hate it. Once or twice is okay, but do not abuse the privilege.
2. Super graphic sexy business- Call me a prude, but I find that steamy kissing, or at the most, sex scenes that have a less is more approach, are far hotter than the ones that tell me exactly where he’s putting his you know what. I don’t need to know. I can figure it all out, I swear.
3. The Non Ending- Yeah, so I’m cheating here because at this point it’s too late to decide you’re not going to finish the book. But evasive endings drive me BAZONKERS!!!!! Just tell me what happens already! I’m thinking of Requiem, I’m not gonna lie.
4. Stupid Twists that Ruin all Previous Books- Here’s the thing: I’m not saying every book or series has to have a happy ending, I’m just saying that certain ones are just supposed to. I don’t expect anyone at the end of The Hunger Games series to actually be happy, but in The Harry Potter series, damn straight I want that (and got it, obviously). But when authors do things like this I just have to say, “Sorry, wrong number.” (Also, Helen Fielding, I refuse to accept this, just FYI).
5. Crazy Business- I’m thinking The Unbecoming of Mara Dyer or Swoon. Everything seems to be moving along okay and then something happens and, hold the phone, you have to do a double take. I don’t mind crazy business that’s actually related to the story, but crazy business that’s there just so you say WHA??? doesn’t work for me.
6. Bella Syndrome- You know how it is. The girls start out okay and then, suddenly, they live and breathe This Guy. They can form no coherent thoughts without This Guy. They mold their whole life around This Guy. I mean, I get that first loves are so powerful and that sometimes there’s a lesson to be learned in that–but I’m talking about the books where girls become sort of a zombie version of themselves and it’s not presented as a weird thing or a thing she needs to work through, It’s presented as a normal part of a healthy relationship. No. Not cool.
7. Having You Cake and Eating It Too- Obviously, there are books like Forever Princess, where Mia gets to be a princess, go to college and make out with Michael Moscovitz on a regular basis. These are good things and that’s a perfect ending. I’m not talking about cute books like the ones that are supposed to be happy pappy (like Bridget Jones, I’m just sayin). I’m referring to books that are edgier, where storylines are darker, where there’s loss of life or great things at stake. Stories where the author sets you up for a love triangle where either option seems perfect and painful, then finally, painfully and beautifully makes a choice. And you eat it up and revel in. You mourn for the other guy and swoon for the guy who “won” only to read in the mother-cussing Epilogue that Little Miss I Want It All ultimately got both guys. Oh, if I could unread that. Just the last page or two.
That’s all for me. What about you?